I have just reviewed Julia Bouwsma’s book of poetry from last year, Midden, about Malaga Island in Maine. The review is on Yellow Rabbits here.
Originally written 2/6/19
Distanced amidst the mixed berry seltzer blitz, a bubble too open, I am refreshed. Coconut dregs to the other direction. These are the swamped days that burst out like chrysalises after the need to exhibit (share) energy has been expressed. Gray countertop punted into view like political anchors. My hair is a bath of soft line drawings. Sketch comedy. Her eyes shooting me down like bullets: out of where, and where, and where comes the next exceptional (and acceptable) intrusion? In forms expressed. Bob Cobbing. Robert Ashley. The unrivaled psychosis of new person. New human. Our hearts beat like gull-flaps in gale gusts. Earlier: several hours I’m reading CDMX Blues like it’s short, of breath, and the world (Ode nada) feels alive and full and pulling down from the cross (Tom Waits now, then, again). So many decades. Mexico 60 years. Mule 20 years. My god my youth the eternal sadness of that burst of time’s ultimate orgasm. The receiving end of the entity of our times minus times so just “our” smile.
FIERCE is what the may sez when he’s dead and frozen joy-cam from my early 20s, I was the punk addict impression on the world that was or was not needed. I dream in better understanding “horror” as a concept. Have I been horror to you, to me, the plastic godless skinner of clouds pile of soot o robbers my fingers like cradles for microscopic worms my skin the lousy state of eruptive (pre) Buddha dance(hall) with flailed limbs releasing glass vessels FIERCE! & it could be that this inquiring mind yet one more seedling the WE ARE VAT theory the continuum of simulation theory (the referee to Joe Rogan and Elon Musk and the symbolic aperture of smoke, in its corrupted commodified sense). Fascinating case study, with feet of flames and for the sentinels of bickering to scream (albeit softly and intentionality) down Road of Echoes. The definition of the limit is set to include a kaleidoscopic path of hills and turns. Imagining doom keeps the pressure going and personalized. It sits like ink before this newish moon that was long cyclical before rest and can dance again in blue glades.
On Piestewa in the Phoenix Mountain Preserve, 1/21/19
Foot before foot. Each journey belongs to each. The last clap is never the last. I often wonder if this hike will be the final. Then I’m back at the question again. Candlelit now but then it was the sunlit choking effect. I imagine writing “oaking” and can’t help but think of the Oak Creek Vista, and more Arizona laughter. Then Trump. The wall. More symbols. That insidious-cum-necessary laughter a symbol dispelling more and more, more and more, the thoroughfare, it is as important to stress this as it is the systemic prevalence of the Native American stores that are giving life and persisting to an enslavement. It is. And so it is. We walked by the man who said hello so helpfully it was hard not to be completely drawn on in. Vistas abound. Transport back. The man who carried their child down the mountain. The want to tell him: Great Job. And: the group of women and the single voice expressing an insecurity of height. The want to tell her: you are perfectly formed! An exquisite fondness. At the mountain’s top: can’t pronounce Piestewa, but try anyway, and pick up that empty bag left behind like a reminder.
1/31/19: “The Devil’s Drug” for Imbolc 2019
Hello my old barricade, the last chance to be surrounded by a gentle error. Communication continually undermined by determination. Glut of aloneness pained with the patchy blue corn chip stale. Erroneous, but the clicking/clucking snap of doom.
I reach into the crevasse of a Cascadian’s slipshod note, a sequence of arrested brotherhood. I-stance to gain as a world of putrid limits denotes an upsetting intake of chloroformed breath, the upstand outlast rallying us from lack of it.
As Annette would say: a need for the neurotransmitter, a yearn to consider the balance of the Gaba’s chatter. Previously a whisper, sunlight recently opening melancholy like pores, the civilized cradle enticed, interstitially en-tilde’d; entitled to memories of when a demonic gaze left off, before breath, before seat, before chalice, and the bloated form of wherewithal, or however, let us be damned, demented, and dammed.
And let’s be friends: the triptych toward healing is a movement forward. And pinkness is still a trill of whiteness and relaxants are still giant, pocked walls of bird corpses and the fainting monikers anthropomorphized (anthropo-morphosed) across wretched, wretch’s documents.
And while there is fragrance in my holistic, unbuttoned hole of 2019 American nightmare metropolis, filling up is the active ingredient. To espouse holy beyond the sneers and the seers through a blast of fire slit and carbonized liberties, dreams of the planetary slash, the flush of a comet, which is beyond its Satanic ice, its membrane of reality a stinking of the cloud of memory too machinic when spun out on time, when thoroughly manic, entered int o a state of bliss, and a statement of dreaming, dreaming of and deciding upon lies.
2019 Winter in Seattle ends with a peripheral polar vortex crushing reality like wind upon the mounds of ants and my own mind, that heart-brain-neural network-system pulse-reclaimed—is the latchkey and the idea of leap or loops as it in in a crucial spirit ought to be, over-mind slash mind slash overmined—
E. Richard Atleo in 2005 spoke about secrets and power. In a world of social timelines, the ephemeral sacred may be our beating hearts. The ritual of sacrifice as swollen clocks. The bitten breasts melted down into a core. The central, electric pain of the encountered nerve. Enchanters wail whole like Coyote (trickish), coyotes (along the margins), the errors fictionalized like conquest, borders, permanence, claims reclaims, and the swerve of this very BARK.
A downwind howl picks at the mine and its prize—pure fiction as well, the commodity the corrosion the sense of value. The voice of belonging. The shared huddle. Survival as a form of trust. To live is to love and trust and belong to, to be possessed by/for/within. This whispered universe of wakeful moments. Lamantia spoke of this with his “Ruins”:
“Falling from tear drops of time,
the well of hidden dreams
seems like broken ice over the sun.”
I split open his form like a dried, dying coconut (memories of Hawaii, those folks I know there):
Emerging from flailed limbs of the continuum,
the dance of simulated truths
opens as pixelated birds flutter alongside the ferry.
A sonic resonance at age 32 is the thrust to love, breathe, and love again, attraction to heart is as full as heat, protection as protector, sense of sloshing and splashing of the identity, to which we owe our efforts, sense of self, egos and all, the sticks that let us leap off the cliffs, our profiles driving us to the madness of belonging, this Spring as intended as all is intended, lunar and glowing before the rot and the ruins, and Rainier Beach, a site to carry the weight of it all, so say us anyway, so practice these satisfactions we do, these relational patterns of distributed, magnetized blood, hearts here while foregoing and in a trance, a great American joy leaps forward, destroying stalemate’s board and the unshorn beard.